I get really nervous when I talk to boys. Is there any way to boost my confidence?

Talking to boys *can* be intimidating–especially when you’re feeling self-conscious around them. I mean, how can you carry on a witty, fun, just-being-yourself kind of conversation if you have a voice inside your head bugging you with things like, “is he staring at my zit? … it IS a big zit,” or whatever.  That voice can really get in the way.

So in order to feel more at ease and natural around guys, quell that voice inside your head. In fact, don’t just calm it, kill it–because that voice is the enemy.  How can you shut it up? Talk back to that self-sabotaging inner voice and replacing the doubt it brings with self-respect. Tell it, “he’s not noticing my zit because the rest of me looks and acts so rad.” Tell it that you matter just as much as the next guy–and just because the next guy happens to be hot, doesn’t mean he’s more important than you. Give that voice the STFU smack down!

This takes lots of practice, but if you’re committed to developing a positive, strong head space, it will erase your nerves around boys, general insecurity, and lots of things that get in the way of you being your most badass self. The end result isn’t just easier flirting–it’s a more radiant, powerful and successful you.



Erika Stalder is the author of The Date Book: A Girl’s Guide To Going Out With Someone New and creator of the DEAR ERIKA advice column for ABC Family’s Secret Life of The American Teenager.

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IMAGE: ASGAR/GABRIEL: The Dark Is My Delight (2007)
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