Dear Erika,

I really liked this guy and when I met him, I knew he was the right one. But yesterday, I was talking to him and he started being mean to me, saying that someone told him that i sucked and things like that. Should I move on or give him another chance!?


Some guys get freaked out by the fact that they like someone new and find it easier to unmercifully joke around and  be mean to a girl instead of  confessing their true feelings. Others are just flat-out  jerks.

Either way, ask yourself: would you put up with a friend of yours telling you that you suck? No! And you shouldn’t put up with it when a cute guy or anyone else throw that type of shade your way. Best friends and boyfriends should treat you with respect. They’ll be patient, kind and defenders of your good character. When everything else in the world sucks, a boyfriend should treat you in a way that helps make you happier, not more miserable.

So when you consider how you deserve to be treated, your dilemma becomes a no-brainer: If your crush (or any friend for that matter) can’t show kindness and treat you respectfully, then he’s not worth a first or second chance.

But there’s a trickier issue at hand other than whether you should give this guy a chance . Since it’s surprisingly easy to fall in with people who don’t know how to treat us with the respect we deserve, it’s crucial to investigate why you thought this guy was “the one” in the first place.

Was he charming, playful and nice to you? Did he treat you in a way that made you feel good? Or is he simply a piece of eye candy with a less attractive personality attached? (Hey, no judgement–a hot-ass dude can be a hard thing to ignore!) Take a look at whether he as a meanie from the get-go or whether he just showed this icky side of himself  as of late (and what you were willing to put up with because you thought he was hot). Even if you don’t pursue a relationship with this guy, it’s worth examining *why* you were drawn to this guy with a bad side and conscientiously make note of it–it will help you fine-tune your he’s-n0t-treating-me-as-I-deserve radar in the future.

Erika Stalder is the author of The Date Book: A Girl’s Guide To Going Out With Someone New and creator of the DEAR ERIKA advice column for ABC Family’s Secret Life of The American Teenager.

pst: Do you have a burning question? Handle it! Email handlethescandal at pstol dot com

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