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How To Move On From A Crush

Dear Erika,

I have a guy that is driving me crazy. We have known each other for four years and his mom is like a second mom to me. To start with, his mom had asked me to babysit his brothers during a party. When I went over, he was there. He flirted with me non-stop, and held my hand. This made my stomach fill with butterflies, and I felt happier than I had in a long time.

 After that night I decided not to date him, no matter how many times he asked, because I didn’t want to lose him. Time went on, as I made up dumb excuses of why I couldn’t date him.

Eventually, he stopped texting me every week and talking to me on Facebook. The more he stopped talking to me, the more I missed him, and wanted to date him. I began to feel empty, so I started texting him, and slowly confessing my feelings.

 Along the same time he started texting, and Facebook chatting a girl from school. This girl was the pretty popular one that gets everything she wants. I was overcome with jealousy, and I said some things that I regret. I have apologized, and explained everything, and he didn’t reply.

 I don’t blame him really. I mean he gave me plenty of chances. But I can’t move on. I still sit and stare at his name on Facebook, I look at my phone wondering if he will ever text me. I miss him, and can’t stop thinking about him. HELP?


Lost in NC


Hey Lost,

You’re right. You can’t really blame this guy for moving on. He was honest with you about his feelings and intentions and you weren’t able to do the same. But not all is lost. While you may have missed out on this guy (we’ll call him TOTGA—The One That Got Away), you’ve been given a valuable take-away: It’s vital that you be honest with yourself (and any prospective boyfriends) about your feelings.

If you like someone, allow yourself to like them! Of course, that is just the first step. After you admit to yourself that you like a guy, it’s time to be honest with the dude too. Playing hard to get or just plain uninterested sends the wrong signals (like “You’re wasting your time; Go pursue someone else.”). So next time you find yourself crushing on a guy, try to go with it. Yes, the relationship might not last forever, but you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

Finally, don’t harbor bad feelings for the new girl in TOTGA’s life. It may seem like she gets whatever she wants, but, then again, that may be because she knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go for it.

It is hard to move on from heartbreak and a fierce crush gone wrong, but pining over him will do you no good. Hide this guy from your Facebook wall and get back in the game. Even consider using TOTGA’s new girl as your own love-life inspiration. The next time you meet a guy you like, think, “WWNGD?” (What Would New Girl Do?), gut up and follow your feelings. There are lots of great guys out there; it’s up to you to true to your feelings when the next hottie comes along. Good Luck!


Erika Stalder is the author of The Date Book: A Girl’s Guide To Going Out With Someone New and creator of the DEAR ERIKA advice column for ABC Family’s Secret Life of The American Teenager.

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