HOW TO HANDLE IT:
WHEN YOU LIKE YOUR BFF’S EX-FLING
Last night I told my best friend that I like one of the guys she has fooled with. Now she won’t talk to me. What do I do?
Ya-ouch. This situation is always a tricky one. On the upshot, it was mighty good of you to be upfront with your girl by telling her how you feel about this guy before you went messing around with him. Consulting your bestie about her feelings shows that you care more about her and your friendship than you do about some dude. That’s a real friend!
But your friend is obviously irritated at the idea of you getting with this guy (in her defense, it can feel a little incestuous and invasive when a friend gets with a guy you’ve already messed with). She also seems unfairly irritated with you for being interested in him, which isn’t cool.
Now seems like a good time to set things straight. In person and when you’re one-on-one, kindly remind her that you did, indeed, consider her feelings before yours (or the guys) in this situation. And by checking in with her to see how she felt before acting on your crush, you put her and the friendship first. While you understand that dropping the news that you like her ex-fling may have put her on guard at first, you don’t think it’s fair to be punished for being open, honest and mature by talking about it in the first place.
If your friend doesn’t come around, it may be time to dump her. Staying angry at you for doing the right thing shows that she cares about herself much more than she cares about you or the friendship and she’d rather let her jealousy get in the way than preserve the friendship itself.
Erika Stalder is the author of The Date Book: A Girl’s Guide To Going Out With Someone New and creator of the DEAR ERIKA advice column for ABC Family’s Secret Life of The American Teenager.
pst: Do you have a burning question? Handle it! Email handlethescandal at pstol dot com
ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATION BY MYKAYLA MCLEOD.