HOW TO FIGURE AND FIND
THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT
There is this boy that people think is kind of a player (he never goes out with more than one girl at a time).
About a month ago, he said he liked me. I really really like him and not just because of his looks–he is sweet and nice to me.
Should I take the bold move and ask him out or wait to see if he asks me out?
Forget about this particular guy for a second or two. Now, close your eyes and envision what you’re dream relationship looks like: In this fantasy relationship, do you and your guy get to flirt with or even kiss other people or are you monogamous? Do you see yourself in as part of a couple that is good friends, hangs out with each others families, has lots of fun together and is affectionate with one another? Or do you see a casual relationship where you get to hook up and have fun and you and your guy can flirt with other people without disrespecting each other? Or maybe your dream relationship is one that progresses slowly and doesn’t get physically or mentally intense until you know him inside out?
Once you figure out what it is that you want in a relationship, you will know how exactly to move forward with this guy. Does your envisioned relationship come with no strings attached? If so, then this cute player might be a good fit for you right now. Ask him out and have some fun. Open relationships can get a bit tricky, so be careful to protect your body and mind. First, try to keep the relationship balanced, so neither of you are holding the other to a double standard (by flirting with someone else while insisting that the other stay exclusive, for example). And more importantly, be absolutely careful to take care of your physical health–if you two are swapping spit with more than each other, you have to be VERY careful about protecting yourself against STDs. And remember that even if you don’t have intercourse, you can still get an STDs and other bodily afflictions. Be safe. And learn about to keep your body healthy in relationships.
Is a casual relationship not for you?
When looking for commitment (especially with a player), proceed with caution and take extra time to get to know him before asking him out or agreeing to go out with him. If and when you are ready to go out with him, be upfront and let him know that you dig commitment to ensure you’re not sending mixed signals. (This is different from being possessive or telling him that you want promise rings and all the intensity that comes with planing a life together. Those feelings may develop later, but for now, you can simply tell him that you’re not interested in getting with a guy who wants more than one chick at a time.) As you get to know him you might find out that you two are super compatible and that he wants a committed relationship too. But if you and this dude don’t have the same intentions, then getting with a player is just setting yourself up for major heartache down the road. Pursue him slowly and thoughtfully or hold out for another guy who shares the same values as you do.